Jason: How many murders did you refrain from committing today?
Damian: Thirty two.
Jason: Good for you.
Jason: Here, have a cookie.
Damian, expectantly: I also refrained from fourteen severe maimings.
Jason: *hands him a second cookie*
Bruce:
Jason: positive reinforcement
Okay I so very much want criminals thinking Red Hood is not killing then because Batman offered him cookies. And what if they think Red Hood started working with the bats because of cookies in the first place?
as some criminal trying to explain how red hood ended up working with the bats
And then I want my beloved thug named Jeff to, as Dan is putting together the PowerPoint, go recruiting and find a baker to bring into the fold because they need all the enticements they can get their hands on if they’re going to get their boss back
Or just one of Red Hood’s goons to straight up go to culinary school or whatever because apparently boss likes cookies enough to work with Batman so surely if they can do better…
Our main thug Jeff luring the Red Hood into their old headquarters just for Hood to walk into the main meeting area that had a table absolutely loaded with different baked goods.
Jeff: listen boss—I can still call you boss right?— anyways boss, so a bunch of us got together and put our man Bill—(say hi to Hood Bill!)—through patisserie school. It’s always been a dream of his. But anyways, this way you don’t have to go to the bat for cookies. Bill here learned to make 34 different types! Along with a boatload of other stuff. That way you can come back. Batman has nothing to hold over you now.
Jason, touched (he’s not crying you’re crying): yeah man
Later:
Jason: Sorry B, they made too good of an argument.
As Jason turns and walks out you can see Damian clinging to the back of his jacket like a baby koala (he heard about the baked offerings).
Thug named Jeff my beloved
Yes this is perfect
I was smiling till the end, and the image of gremlin Damian absolutely latched on and clutching to the back of Jason’s jacket just fricking SENT ME!😂
Dick, holding one hand out towards Bats while holding a criminal in an armbar: APPEASE ME BAT AND YOUR REHABILITATION WILL BE POSSIBLE
Tim, facepalming behind Batman: it didn’t have to be that dramatic. Also that’s a nonlethal hold idiot.
Bruce, figuring the cookies in his belt are gonna get stale, handing them over despite knowing Dick isn’t going to kill: very well, Chum.
You know this sort of thing is definitely what would make people go from “I can’t believe Batman has sidekicks those poor kids” to “I can’t believe Batman is single-handedly keeping these feral children on the side of the heroes”
Oh the visuals are strong with this one [*proceeds to churn out art of it immediately*]
Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.
Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.
I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.
“Slutantions” has me crying laughing
i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.
“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry
love,
blue”
the subject line was “OW”
THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”
As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.
On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”
Reblogging for the last addition
Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.
Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.
Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.
IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.
It’s even worse than i remember it
I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.
Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”
aren’t gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn’t maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I’m fine, I wasn’t planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I’m confident I can stay out of the gorilla’s way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it’s all over.
It’s not just about the physical danger either, it’s about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he’s actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute “chimpanzee” for “gorilla” in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i’m taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I’m not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
Oh grow up. Bakugou has more character development in one chapter than you’ve had in your entire life. These two idiots are so obssessed with each other that even the villains have noticed it. Just admit that what really bothers you is that it’s a queer ship. I don’t see anyone call Bakugou “abusive” when you ship him with Ochako of all people despite barely interacting with her. People are always trying to find sth wrong with queer ships, especially when they are the most popular in a fandom, to use as an excuse to attack queer fans. Bkdk is more canon than any of your straight crackships. Horikoshi is basically writing a BL at this point
this panel’s making me go crazy because it’s like he’s trying to convince himself that Bakugo wasn’t the reason he unlocked black whip. Like he doesn’t want it to be true.
“That was all you could think about, right?”
*visible sweat* “Right. I wanted to capture Monoma…”
Yeah, I wonder WHY.
then when asked what triggered it, he lies to Bakugo’s face, with emphasis of Bakugo eyeing him.
Bakugo sacrifices himself then Shigaraki says “so much blood spilled for no good reason… that last one being the most pointless of all.” The panels go through the bloodshed, and instead of a panel of Bakugo it immediately jumps to controlling his ︎heart (emphasizing the direct link) and Deku rampages.
Deku sees Bakugo’s corpse in the 2nd war, is once again reminded of controlling his ︎heart, and starts to rampage.
Black Whip explodes into the shape of a heart, and it’s not until Mirio tells him that Bakugo is being saved that he composes himself.
The trope where a character overhears something out of context and assumes the worst is usually annoying and bad but I really think it works well in Shrek
We, the audience, know that Fiona is talking about herself but, regardless, she’s calling herself these terrible things because she is an ogre. If Fiona is these things because she is is an ogre what does that make Shrek?
If Fiona says no one could love her because she is an ogre, she is saying that Shrek is also unloveable whether she wants to or not.
Imo the scene is a really good portrayal of how when you talk poorly of yourself or others for having a trait, you’re also talking about every other person who shares that trait; even if you love them or think what you’re saying doesn’t apply to them.
Not going to lie, I saw the word “Shrek” and never expected this to be a deep post.
